Two years ago Mr. A. N. Alum, a chartered Accountant with an oil services firm based in Eleme, Rivers State of Nigeria became a beneficiary of a United Kingdom Post Graduate Scholarship scheme for staff of the company.
Finally it was time to leave in search of the Golden Fleece. The man reluctantly left his twenty five – year old, dark skinned beautiful wife of eight months behind. So after praying with her for good health and all that is good, he travelled out of the country.
As it happened, Mrs. R. N. Alum, a fashion designer happened to be one of those who will key into any fag of the day without a thought. She is a die-hard fan of the Nigerian beauty scene and a chronic follower of Nollywood.
Madam had noticed how all the dark skinned celebrities she knew on the home video scene called Nollywood, female television personalities, video Vixens, models, up-comings and pretenders had over-night turned into white skinned painted dolls. Also there is the fear that oga, currently in the midst of white ladies had developed white taste. For our dear sister, delay is dangerous and It was time to act.
Not one to sit back and watch, she keyed into to the creed. With a good measure of beauty tricks she turned hundred percent white. That is minus that little bom-bom track hidden in the under pant. No magic can bleach that divide.
Two years quickly passed and on the morning of her husband’s arrival after his sojourn, she upped her game beating Julius Berger to the act of painting.
Oya na ooo, madam come land the Port Harcourt International Airport, Omuagwa. Soon oga’s flight touched down. She sighted him as he alighted from the plane and relaxed on confirmation that he had not acquired a foreign wife.
The moment he cleared with customs and all related agencies at the airport she ran to him; expecting a hug from her returning boo.
MADAM: (Excitedly calling out to him) Darling, so good to see you. Welcome back to naija.
OGA: (He looked hard at her). I wonder why you looked familiar. The features are like somebody I know but I never had a white woman.
MADAM: (In panic) Andy it’s me your darling, faithful wife Rita. Remember our wedding ring. Look at mine (she said showing him the ring) and I can see your own too.
OGA: (Looking bemused). Funny, so funny; woman who are you? Can you please leave before my wife comes here and embarrass you?
MADAM (In desperation): Andy wetin dey worry you self? I am your darling wife Rita.
OGA: I know my wife and she do not speak pigeon English. The last time I saw her she was dark skinned. If she added weight I can understand but black and white television beats me. How can a man marry a painted doll?
MADAM: Please darling, don’t embarrass me. This is the latest beauty treatment in town. Please see my wig is off (whacks her wig off and drops it on the ground). See the paints are going away (she said using her hanky to wipe her face).
OGA: Funny woman, I never knew the naija comedy scene had gone this far. Keep it up lady, you are not doing badly. Now I am not interested in a white woman. I never married one and please enough of your jokes allow me to go find my better half. Ok, one more trick from you and I will call security. See yaah! (He walks away).
MADAM: Andy nkem, chei, my own heartbeat, na only you dey waka go? Chimuoo, my own done finish ooo. See wetin bleaching cream don cause. This one na pure colour wahala. Where is charcoal, I must be black today by fire by force (she cries grabbing anything black and rubbing same on her face).
OGA: Funny woman…oh my naija … I am home at last.
ON-LOOKERS: Na waoh! Bleaching cream done cause colour wahala ooo! Infact this one pass na wah! This one na waaah waah!
LAST LINE: Oya naaoo; black is beautiful, so why you dey bleach?
NOTE: STYLE CALLED SAKAWAY CREATED BY AUTHOR.